It has not even been two full weeks with the little ‘darlings’ and I am already drinking wine on a week night and waking up every morning thinking; ‘”How the hell am I going to survive the day!”. I also confess I have uttered the words “God I wish I was at work today!”. Yet again I feel like the worst mother on earth, so bloody impatient and undeserving. Am I really that bloody awful?! If I tell you so far what I have been up to maybe I will feel less of a monster.
So far us four (cos Daddy is sensible enough not to take time off) have visited the Forest and found the Gruffalo, endured a germ fested play place, tidied the shit out of the house for two play dates , endured too many rainy walks, visited the beautiful Norwich, been thrashed at scrabble by an 8 year old, pretended we had one child when visiting IKEA, swam, picnic-ed and so on!
I also carelessly reversed our ‘precious’ Audi into a 17 plate Mercedes after being refused entry to a play place because I had my 8 year old with me. That is not the reason I crashed, but if I had been allowed into a five an under play place then I would have not been driving around half of Ipswich wondering what to do next! FML! The most scary part of this was not getting out of the car to assess the damage, but the phone call to my husband!!!
ALAS, I am alive, hence I am writing this! I am also drinking wine! SLURP SLURP.
This summer I will have consumed an entire Southern Australian vineyard but for the love of that dear baby Jesus how the hell do we survive the next 4 weeks…?
I have pondered a few ideas and come up with a few helpful hints and tips! These are…
- Always pack a picnic and a zillion snacks
- Do not plan fancy dinners after a day out because you will drive through McDonald’s and throw out that meat in the fridge
- Be prepared that play centers are the most hostile environments and full of protective mumma lions with perfect bastard kids (I have witnessed a full on shouting match between two mothers over one child’s fisty cuffs)
- Stock up on alcohol and chocolate JUST BECAUSE
- When the other half asks what have you been up to all day, its OK to punch him/her square in the face!
- Wine tastes good warm or cold
- Tired and hungry children are irrational and sometimes violent, they are to be avoided where ever possible
- Play centres add zeros onto the price for the shear hell of it in the summer period, manly because they are KNOBS.
- NEVER EVER forget the wipes, if however you do, water and another clean nappy saves the day as I recently found out!
- Welly boots and puddles can waste a good thirty minutes
- Tidying is about as pointless as that exercise equipment you find in a park
- GIN is also delicious
If I survive this summer holiday with half of my sanity I will be bloody grateful. Even if I do have to sign up for AA meetings in September.
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