The Adult World

IMG_2099.JPGIt’s just about as enticing as the Small World ride at Disneyland to children, without the annoying theme tune…”It’s a small, small, world…laalaaalaaala”. From what we speak, to what we wear and to how we think and do, it all looks so glamorous to the young child. Children want to dip in and out of what they see of the adult world, and try it on for size because for some strange reason they want to be just like us?

Paying a mortgage, functioning on less than five hours sleep a night and working as a modern day slave in the home is apparently not enough to put them off wanting to grow up so fast! I moan enough times in the day to my eldest about “Poor Mummy and her 100 jobs”, but still she cant wait to be 9, then 10, 11 and especially cannot wait to be a high school student and wear a backpack instead of a bookbag to school!

I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to want to be just that bit bigger like someone you admired. For me it was wanting to wear make up first of all, and now I am BIG enough I wish I didn’t need it! Then I wanted to wear high heels, and now I can, all I want to wear are comfortable flat shoes, like Converse.

I wanted a bank card, with a real pin number and now Id much rather pretend to pay with monopoly money, but I doubt that would get me very far at Aldi for my weekly shop. A handbag seemed so exciting, I always wondered what my mum stored in there, the thing was like a tardis. I am now the proud owner of a changing bag currently and cannot remember what the last handbag I used was! Simply because I am too cool.

Driving a car, I couldn’t wait! Now being driven appeals! Sadly I am just not rich enough to afford a driver! But if I was I would have Robert De Niro just as he was in that film ‘The Intern’ for Anne Hathaway as my driver! He got her coffee, ferried the child about and even caught her cheating husband! Handy!

Anyway, so off point. Tonight when driving back from the school run, the eldest, was listening to Daddy’s James Arthur CD and his song Prisoner came on. Its a great tune, but I did not realise very early on he sings “Drive you up the FUCKING wall”. Ooops and to think I just turned over that song “Sexual” because I didn’t want her singing along. Pretty wrong to have an eight year old singing “I’m feeling sexual, so we should be sexual”.

Anyway, it was a brief swear word and I was certain she heard it in the beginning as she sung along to the rest of the song, as she clearly knew all the words! As we pulled up outside home, I asked her to stop messing about and get out of the car, to which she replied “I’m fucking trying to”. As soon as she said it, her eyes popped out of her head as did mine! I knew exactly that the whole way home she was thinking about that word and so it was just a matter of time before she tried it out!

She later then uttered the word “Bloody” and saw herself off the IPAD until further notice! But I started to think about how, at that age, everything appears cool and also so out of reach. And sadly I found it starts at about 6/7, that wanting to be bigger and do older, more adult like things.

So I started to think about how exciting we make the adult world look to a child and why an earth they would simply want to grow up and become us! Because I hope I am not alone in saying, there is no fun in aging, it’s all sags, bags and wrinkles.

But in our attempt to hide things, we make the appeal that much greater. For example when I used to have cough sweets and tell my eldest she was too young to have them and that they tasted horrible and she wouldn’t like them. She kept smelling my breath and looking at the packaging in disbelief. As she got older and she had a really bad cough I let her take a pack into school in her bookbag. Even with strict instructions, “Do not give them out, they are not sweets, you must tell the teacher you have them and ask if you can have one”. She was so excited to have them. and the more I emphasised their ‘specialness’ the more she thought she had something worth having!

She also recently asked me what the word was for her “bits” as she calls them is! I said to her that I would tell her, but she wasn’t to go shouting it out at school! I said it’s called a “Vagina” and cringed massively as I said that word! Much prefer calling, it “Foof, or Minnie”, seems much nicer than VAGINA! Anyway she said “Oh, ok Mummy” looking all surprised at this new word she had never heard before and promised she wouldn’t go telling everyone at school! I can just imagine her saying, “Girls guess what, I’ve got a VAGINA!!”. It’s the truth, but sometimes the truth is a little bit ugly!

So tonight in the bath, I thought she had forgotten this word as I hadn’t used it since and she hadn’t said anymore about it! But she keep saying to her brother, who thankfully can hardly talk at the moment, “Look, Maddox, look at my Vachina”! “VACHINA”, she kept saying! I looked at her and then said “Imogen what have I told you tonight about using naughty words” in my serious mummy voice. She responded like the clever little shit she is, with… “Mummy how can it be naughty if that’s the actual name for it”. FFS fair point. 1-0 to Imogen!

Thank god we are not onto the subject of sex yet. I doubt however this will be long, and I am certain I’ll be just as unprepared for the question!

Yikes, any tips on how to make the adult world and growing up seem far less exciting? Help me out with your tips on Facebook! or share with me your funny VACHINA stories!


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