Child Free




Just those two words, sounds all warm and lovely and suggests peace and quiet! Well in two small doses, that is what was achieved this weekend! If only all weekends could be the same! Or even just once a month, for a few hours!

This weekend was another busy one, and strangely I’m turning into a bit of a Victor Meldrew about doing things at weekends when I just want to stay at home and hibernate. This is because sometimes I’m not arsed if we see a single person! But on second thoughts it’s often a nice break from the norm, to do something different and speak to more adults than children!

The husband and I had planned to go out Friday evening. When I say husband, I mean me really! He had worked a 70 hour week and neither of us had uttered a sentence to each other all week, instead turning to our iPhones in the evening for ‘downtime’! I have a feeling I am not alone on this one! So I thought, perhaps if we actually escape the house we may even have a full conversation with each other and ignore the pleasures of Facebook and Instagram, or in his case Linkd In!

I also had not left Ruby for any longer than a shopping trip to Morrisons, so the thought of going out was exciting, but also nerve-racking! With number one, I didn’t leave her with anyone until 10 months old, then number two it took me until six months old until I felt able to leave him, so 5 months is an improvement right?! And since this is number three I was not guilt ridden by this at all! Mummy and Daddy time was LONG overdue!

So after trying to get into a few restaurants for Friday evening unsuccessfully, I called the husband to say this may not happen and he replied, saying “Do we mind if we don’t tonight, I’ll be late home and I’m quite tired!”. I wasn’t at all bothered because my sister AKA trusted babysitter, could also watch the little humans Saturday evening, so I thought Id try again in the morning to actually book something. I’m so out of practice when it comes to dining out just the two of us that I didn’t realise you needed to book these things! Because I shit you not, there are other adults who regularly dine out in nice eateries on a regular, and places get actually quite busy! Some people even have what you call a social life!

So Saturday morning, the husband goes off to get his hair cut, conveniently taking two hours, so I am stuck in with the never ending housework and three beautiful, never naughty and always well behaved children! I juggle “No, don’t kick your sister, or run over her toes with the trolley” with phoning around to book a simple table for two at a nice restaurant! “Yes Madame, we can seat you at 10pm”, said one restaurateur, “Excuse me, did you say 10pm at night”, I replied. “Yes 10pm this evening”. I kid you not he was serious, who the fuck eats at that hour, no thanks mate, ill be asleep by then! 10pm, seriously? Or am I just getting old?

Two, three and four hours passed, and still no booking! Desperate times, called for a Facebook status to ask my lovely friends to recommend some restaurants in the local area! Luckily we found two we didn’t need to book in for, so we left it at that as I was determined not to waste an opportunity of a baby sister, and 5oz of painfully expressed breastmilk.

Certain places were booking is not required dictates you should get there nice an early to ensure you have a table. Do not for example, arrive after say 8pm and request a table. Because like us, they will say “Sure we can seat you at 10pm”!. The place looked lovely and my husband and I, ordered a drink and then we looked at each other after they took our names down and said “Nah, shall we just go elsewhere?”. A call across to another no need to book, place known as the Crown at Stoke By Nayland, said we could come for 9pm. So we guzzled down our drinks, and got back into the car! My head started to imagine all kinds of things going wrong and just ending the night on a Mc Donalds!

Phew! We arrived and they did in fact have a table for two ready, despite being super busy! The service was brilliant despite a full restaurant and even now it was only 9pm, we didn’t have to wait long between courses! Yes, we went all out and had three courses, all hot! How novel! I couldn’t tell you the fancy names for exactly what I ate, but it went something like this…posh curry bhaji with some dip dip, followed by duck and mash and some sauce finished up with a chocolate brownie, ice cream and some squashed berries. Yum! Well that was what I ate, the husband had some pork scratching’s, posh ones like, followed by a massive mixed grill, homemade chunky chips and then the same desert!

All the while I checked my phone just to see if my children were still alive! Alas, they were and as soon and we were home, we went to bed! Because that’s what absolutely knackered parents do. Oh and NO, no consummating of the occasion happened, only snoring from the other half! Number three did not wake for ages, but I woke up at least three times with one HUGE boobie, and of course to check to see if she was still breathing! I didn’t need to check on the husbands breathing because I could hear him LOUD and BLOODY clear!

This weekend, I also had an afternoon tea to attend to for the Sister in Laws 30th. I had always planned in advance to leave all three children with the husband just to see how he would cope of course! So after the usual Sunday food shopping shit, I got out of my Mummy clothes and wore something that I didn’t need to breastfeed in and even wore some heels that I walked like a 12 year old in!

So Sunday afternoon was spent, filling my face with scones, clotted cream a plenty, chocolate éclairs, teeny tiny posh sandwiches and cups upon cups of HOT tea! This is not the life of a parent at ALL! Twas awesome! If you are ever in the Lavenham area, you must go to the Swan for afternoon tea! It is the best afternoon tea, I have found and I must say I’ve sampled a few!

So I arrive home a few hours later, to find all three children alive (AGAIN) and one quite tired husband! Winner winner! He informed me that number three was a delight, no tears, nothing, not even in the car?? WTF! I almost wanted them to all play up like royal little shits just so he doesn’t think this three kid lark flying solo is easy! Dammit, can’t have it all hey!

So that was my weekend, not my average weekend, but one I certainly would be up for repeating!

Oh totes forgot to mention, I enjoyed KISS extremely loudly in the husband’s company car this afternoon and drove like Colin McRae, just because! Nobody cried, it was EPIC!

Share with me on Facebook, your child free moments! Don’t forget to like, that’s if of course you did!img_2036


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