Monster Monopoly


Because that’s what happens to you when you play this game! You become a shadow of your former self, and not a nice one. The evil in you rears its ugly head. You didn’t even know that you had a competitive side until you played this game. Looks of hatred, aggressive throwing of the dice and back handers galore, all because you don’t want that someone to win!

Well that was me yesterday, I lost three and a half hours of my life to this game! Why is it when you suggest to play Monopoly you forget it is possibly one of the longest board games on the market?

With Monopoly there is always a ‘Wanker Banker’. Know one likes ‘him’, he can be male or female, but I assume he is always male because he is an untrustworthy knob! There is also, ‘Mr Cautious’, he/she takes no risks, definitely doesn’t buy any properties straight away and pretends that his/her submissive self is a game plan, when actually he/she hasn’t got a Scooby Doo. Then there’s ‘Hey Big Spender’, he/she usually buys everything on the board, because its pink, its blue, who cares, because this one loves to buy…oh wait that’s until he/she has no cash left!

Now that just leaves ‘Lucky Bugger’, he/she has the luck of the dice, speeding round the board because he/she rolls only high numbers, lands on a free parking when there is a wad of cash and has money coming out of his/her ears. Now ‘Lucky Bugger’ can sometimes be the banker, and at the point of winning, everyone is convinced he/she cheated at some point in the game! Probably has 500’s up his sleeve!

Monopoly is a game I have played for years, and often at Christmas time. As a child if I didn’t get Mayfair or Park Lane, Id spent the entire game being pissed off, because I wanted the FUCKING PURPLE ONE! My brother always played the game like Alan Sugar, he was all about the investments! I thought this was stupid, because I was always ‘Hey Big Spender’ and drawn to the pretty coloured properties!

My tastes in Monopoly properties have matured somewhat as I’ve grown, I have seen enough games to know the good buys, but I’m indecisive when it comes to hotel building. Community Chess and Chance excites me still! Who else sings “Take CHANCE Take Chance…” Abba style before picking up a card?

Who else gets pissed off if they can’t be the car or the dog? Lets face it because they are the classic favourites right? You rolled the dice but knock all my houses over and my money…BITCH you better watch yourself…see that’s me changing all because of the game!

But I know it’s not just me, as I have seen my two grown up uncles take Monopoly on like its a real life game, getting stroppy when one wont sell the property the other wants, even when the game is over and someone has lost, they remain in deep hatred for each other!

But Sundays experience of Monopoly with my daughter, made me and my husband laugh! She was fierce and I’m a tincy bit proud! Well my nickname from High school was Lion, so I feel I’ve created something quite beautiful there! When you landed on her property, she was right there telling us how much we owed her. She then perfected a funny dance and Usian Bolt stance (dabbing) when things were going her way. When she got paid for passing go, she would say “Make it rain” wafting her money around like she was 50 cent.

Money changes people in Monopoly and its all a bit scary! So chip of the ol block she is, probably because she was fixated on her mother being adamant she wouldn’t let her father win. This is the only time I am competitive with him…oh well maybe when it comes to roast dinners! But he was so irritating with his huge piles of money, and then whacking great hotels on his properties all for my benefit as he couldn’t wait to bankrupt me! I fought to the death, remortgaged all my properties and sold my houses back t0 the bank before caving in! Bastard! He was so bloody smug about it all! Still harping on about it tonight asking for a rematch! Hell no, you had your moment Mr T and little do you know I’m the one bankrupting you in the real world! Revenge is sweet! ; )

Do you love a game of Monopoly? Which character are you? Tell me on Facebook, just so I feel a tiny bit normal and less monster!


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