Tears, Tantrums and Public

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Small children are irritatingly unpredictable. Despite your careful teachings of right and wrong and careful demonstrating of acceptable behaviour, the little devils ignore your efforts whenever the fancy takes them.

That is because small children are like ticking time bombs, for example, just removing all of the skin off the banana when they wanted it half on, could be the start of world war three. BOOM. The eruption of tears could last for hours, on and off, it could be accompanied by kicking, most definitely screaming and all because you did something wrong! Story of our lives hey? When do we actually get it right?

Today I actually managed to motivate my arse and my children all out of the door by 9.30am to attend a baby group! I was not the only parent today with the same idea, to mix with other human adults, drink hot tea and perhaps leave their house resembling a burglary. Well maybe that’s just me!The baby group was ram packed and on arrival I spotted this girl of about three screaming in the middle of the room, whole body on the floor, crying “Mummy,mummy, mummy”.

Mummy looked like she had her shit together, perhaps a little stressed but who wouldn’t be. The mummy wasn’t giving in, and neither was the little girl, till eventually after a good fifteen minutes on the floor crying, the organiser persuaded her to come off the floor and go over to her mummy. After a cuddle and a good talking to, this mother stayed with her at the group partaking in activities with her. I didn’t know what had happened but I wasn’t bothered, because we have all been there and I myself would probably have left in embarrassment shortly after, but this mum did not! High five to her.

This got me thinking that my pre parent self would have judged that mother for “Not doing her job properly”, or at the very least I would have come up with at least two other strategies I would have tried if I were a parent! Bollocks. Because now as a parent, I am less concerned by a child throwing a spectacular tantrum for all to see, and far more concerned about how in that moment that mother may be feeling. She could just be having one of them days, or even weeks, were she feels nothing she is doing is quite right and everything is simply wrong!

Now as a parent I would certainly not give a disapproving look to another person in front of this mother or even tut or mutter under my breath, but I know there certainly are people out there who would still take things at face value. We too often in our daily lives judge a situation as an onlooker and not as a thinker.

One situation for me sticks in my head and I will never forget my friend for telling me this as it still makes me angry to this day and I really wish I was with her when it happened.

A friend of mine in her teens had a baby. Shocker, Not really it happens, it’s not often ideal, but she has done an amazing job with her child just as many other young mums have. Sorry for using the young mum label, I do hate that, as it often seems to be used as a weapon to demean a mothers ability due to her age.

Anyway back to the story, my friend told me that she was in a queue in a shop and her newborn baby would not stop crying and crying and she couldn’t settle him for love nor money. The more he cried the more flustered she got. She waited until she had reached the till as she really needed to purchase something from the pharmacy. Then as she turned her back to exit the shop, pushing her newborn in the pram an older lady said “See, those young girls shouldn’t have children”, or some words to that effect.

My friend explained to me that she heard this comment, loud and clear but didn’t utter a word, just keep walking out of the shop and when she turned the corner, her eyes filled with tears. When she told me a few weeks later, I was so angry and upset for her that I wanted to have been there so I could punch that silly woman square in the face and then hug my friend!

It really gets to me that people can be so ignorant and hurtful with words, and judge a mothers capabilities by the fact her child was crying! Children cry. Fact. And sometimes for no reason at all! They are irrational at times and show us up to appear incompetent, when of course we are not! This mother I am talking about, is far from all of those things, infact she so ruddy good at the job she makes it appear effortless. She is fun mum! I admire her a lot.

So today just got me thinking about all those moments where my little darlings have shown me up, got me all flustered in public, making me look all flappy and untogether. We are all at some point as parents caught off guard! We just need to remind ourselves, we got this shit! The onlookers don’t know that and why should we care. Just pity their ignorance and feel sad for them, that they judge too often with their narrow minds. I would hate to be that stupid.

Tell me about your child/ren showing you up? Have you had any, ‘I want to punch you square in the face’, moments with members of the public? Share with me on Facebook, or just like this post after reading!

 

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3 thoughts on “Tears, Tantrums and Public

  1. lorigreer says:

    Hi, Your post brought back memories of my two sons. I can relate to your feelings and those of your friend in the pharmacy. Now, my sons and I laugh about “those moments” but they were not so funny then! Parenting is a difficult and changing job. No knows all the answers and every child is different. Your blog is great and a wonderful place for new mothers to share and learn. I am going to recommend it to my daughters-in-law. Cheers, Lori

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mumteaches says:

    I actually had an old lady come over and tell me I was a bad mum as Adam was refusing to walk next to the buggy when he was about 3!
    I turned round and replied “Fine! If you think you can do a better job, try!” She was aghast (hahaha) so I then said “well if you’re not going to help, sod off!”

    If I see a mum struggling, I often try and chat to her or distract the child, just so they can have 30 seconds to pay at the till, or not feel awful at in the queue. Now my daughter does the same thing, often going to talk to little onesie buggies or trying to make them giggle. A little bit of kindness goes a long way!

    Fab post as usual sweetie! You bring the reality of motherhood to life in your posts! X

    Liked by 1 person

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