Skidding on your knees


Skidding up and down on a worn out dance floor on your knees is an untaught art, which this weekend number two perfected. It seems for an almost two years old, there is nothing more exciting in this world than a spacious room, shiny floor and tightly blown balloons. Not to mention a buffet of sugary delights perfectly positioned at tip toe height,an easy steal when your out out with your “off duty”parents.

This weekend has been an eventful one with two family birthdays, terribly unhealthy food and two ridiculously late nights. On Friday night, my husband and I looked at each other exhausted and I asked “Can you be bothered tonight?”, “No, not really, you?” he replied! ,”Same!”. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to go out, it’s just getting out of the house on a Friday evening when we both are used to getting in our PJs early and chilling in front of the telly requires serious energy. Not to mention getting three children dressed up for evening and delaying their tea time by three hours! Not an easy task!

To avoid hangry children (hungry and angry) we had to allow the little devils lots of snacks before leaving the house. We also decided upon bathing the grubby little mites before we left also, which confused number two somewhat. After his bath (favourite time of the day) when he realised he wasn’t being dressed in PJs for the night, he perked up wearing a smart shirt, smiling away and stroking his clothing! He knew he was going OUT OUT!

The whole getting ready to go out with kids takes an age, so we started this about two hours before leaving the house. Leaving just 5 minutes for mummy and daddy to change clothes, slap some make up on over the top of day make up and spray something that doesn’t smell like Wotsits or baby sick.

Despite arriving at the Chinese late again, I was just thankful we made it out of the door and no one cried, pooed or hit another. Smug we were, all dressed up, about to enjoy a lovely Chinese buffet…Yey, no cooking or washing up, what a treat.

Well this would have been as wondrous as it sounds if it wasn’t for the very grouchy just been immunised four-month old who would not be put down. Together with the fidgety, “I will only sit on daddy’s lap”and eat prawn crackers number two! So Daddy who has not perfected the one arm eating just as neat as mummy, experienced fine dining with his best pal one-armed. And I ate just like any other meal time one armed, however crispy seaweed was a no go as that shit went everywhere. Chicken satay on a skewer however wasn’t too tricky!

We could almost forget we came with another child as our eldest was face full in food, enjoy the spinning table top, fizzy and poking people with her chopsticks! This was part one of our weekend and the wee ones got to bed Friday evening at 11pm. I think Mummy and Daddy were more tired than all three children put together. So off to bed we all went when we got home, except small one, because baby Ruby clearly thought she hadn’t seen enough of Mummy and Daddy for one night.

Saturday morning, we did what most parents do, continual housework and chores. However this had to be a thorough job as we had guests staying over that night! Balls, tidy the shit out of our house we did at 100mph, squeeze in a Saturday food shop! I usually avoid that at all costs but there really aren’t enough hours in the day! Then I even went home to bake 48 cupcakes I stupidly agreed to and make some coleslaw for the party later!

Whilst baking I thought that this all seemed a good idea in my head, but could not envisage us getting all out of the house on time, with cakes in hand. After covering myself, the kitchen and the cupboards in icing sugar, I started the whole process of getting the children ready again to go out in their party gear, leaving yet again the last 5/10 minutes for Mummy and Daddy to get dressed, squirted (Oi, Oi) and brushed.

I  actually felt exhausted in the car on the way over to Felixstowe for the surprise party. Number two was excited again, that he wasn’t in PJs for a second night. He kept saying “Dinner, Dinner” in the back of the car, as I suspect he thought he was in for another Chinese buffet!

We arrive at the hall just in time not to ruin the whole surprise surprise bit, Phew! Number twos eyes light up as he spots the huge room, filled with balloons and disco lights! It takes him no time at all to circle the entire room, running as fast as his little legs will take him, or not…as he falls over, dusts himself off and repeats this again and again and again! YES!!! He is amused, so that’s one child lost for the evening! Next, I look over to number one, who is excitedly dressed up for the evening even wearing a spot of make up. She spots her cousin,runs over to her, and that’s another one gone for the evening! GET IN!

WAAHHHHH. Oh, well that’s grumpy post immunised baby in my arms for the remainder of the evening then! Splendid! All was well however as there was a chocolate fountain conveniently just behind were I had chosen to sit, what were the chances!If I’m not drinking tonight, then the diets off and I am going to consume my body weight in sugar whilst the husband does the same in beer.

The DJ arrived and it was karaoke on the cards, all a bit awkward and cringe to start! Luckily there were quite a few children willing to give it a go, and even my often shy number one went up twice!! So proud! She wasn’t half bad, either! The husband however, got stitched up and despite the alcohol looked awkward as fuck up there! He is not one for the limelight! I videoed this rare moment, just in case I never see it again.

The music was blaring, and I had a face full of chocolate and could genuinely not have been happier…..well maybe with a glass of wine in hand instead of the baby in my arms! But hey! I looked at the dance floor and number one and two, looked ridiculously cute, dancing away having the time of their lives and I started thinking about when I was that small!

I remember loving an evening out with my family for a party, it was all about the outfit, glitter mascara in your hair, tights you would only wear once because you would pull them and sticky lip-gloss. I would love a buffet as my parents would never actually see that I was just eating crisps and chocolate as they were too busy drinking or nattering. Everyone was relaxed and happy on those occasions and you would often get carried to bed at the end of the night! Awesome! How things have changed!

Despite this time being the parent, I thought to myself that night how lucky we are to have the most gorgeous and clever little fuckers ever. They simply are delightful and appear easy as anything on evenings like this. How precious these moments are, for us as parents to watch them excitedly skid the entire dance floor length, enjoy every sugar high and think they looks the bees knees in their party clothes! In that moment I didn’t mind the tables had turned and I am now the adult. I just want to bottle those moments, of pride, love and laughter. So I can become ridiculously rich NAH!, just so I can remember it when I’m back at home, their swinging from the lights, and I’m rocking in the corner not coping with life!

What are your bottle me up moments? Tell me here or on Facebook! If this reminds you of a family gathering, tag your friends or family on Facebook asking them to read and share.


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