101 Things I Wish I Knew…



….before becoming a first time mum. These are mine, here goes:-

  1. Being pregnant is like wearing a weighted rubber ring around your middle, now try putting your shoes on.
  2. Midwives will monitor your every move.
  3. Health visitors assess your whereabouts and the company you keep.
  4. Labour is messy, you could actually poo.
  5. Lots of blood in labour doesn’t mean you’re dying, but you could actually die.
  6. Labour from start to finish is often long, and one charged I phone is not enough to see you through.
  7. Gas and air is amazing and you and your new friend will not want to part ways.
  8. Tea and toast after you have a baby is the best thing on earth.
  9. Meconium poo is really quite frightening.
  10. After you have a baby they like to measure your wee, still not sure why?
  11. Midwives will then ask you about your bowel movements before you leave the hospital.
  12. Having a poo after a baby initially and for days after is like labour all over again without pain relief…until you find Anusol.
  13. Weeing in a bath is a game changer too.
  14. During the night you may wake up covered in sweat.
  15. Breastmilk can soak through an entire top.
  16. Your boobs will become impressive fire hoses.
  17. No fireman however will come to your rescue.
  18. You will for once in your life look like Pamela Anderson.
  19. Breastfeeding initially feels like those clamp things attached to your nipple you once attached to a battery pack in a science lesson at school.
  20. People do not stop texting you when you are about to or have had a baby
  21. Everyone starts knitting.
  22. Your photo gallery fills up pretty quickly with sleeping baby pictures.
  23. Sleep is gone for what feels like forever.
  24. Colic is the biggest bitch alive.
  25. Your nice firm pregnant belly is replaced with a wobbly plate of jelly.
  26. It’s all about the comfortable pants and maternity bras.
  27. You will argue with your partner about every aspect of parenting.
  28. You will also kill your partner with one look if he dares utter “I’m so tired”.
  29. Venturing out of the house with just your keys and phone will never happen again.
  30. Cbeebies becomes your friend, lifesaver and best babysitter ever.
  31. You will be able to sing the theme tune for at least five kids programmes but couldn’t name one person in the top ten.
  32. You cannot locate a handbag, you’re not even sure the last time you had one.
  33. Unworn clothes will sit in the wardrobe at lot longer than you expected.
  34. You could now cry other the smallest things.
  35. You have never experienced exhaustion like this before.
  36. Anxiety may cause you to have irrational thoughts.
  37. Old people in shops talk to you now.
  38. “How old”, they may ask “Are they twins?” they could ask.
  39. At least 100 times you will be told “Make the most of it”.
  40. You will discuss nappy and wipe brands with your new mummy friends.
  41. You will spend two to three years discussing teething.
  42. Weaning seems like fun until you realise a diet on milk requires much less mess and planning.
  43. You will become fixated on poo, when did they last poo? is that poo normal?
  44. You will argue over nappy changing.
  45. Holding a baby is nice for a bit, but at six months your arms just ache and you become incapacitated.
  46. You get excited for every milestone, but when they reach it your sad that time has passed so quickly.
  47. Crawling seemed like a fun stage, but your twitchy and anxious at every other persons house.
  48. You will never sit down.
  49. Hot drinks become like dinosaurs.
  50. The dinner time is no longer enjoyable and often cold.
  51. You fantasize about having some free time and how you might use it.


You didn’t think Id right all 101 did you? Now if you could all help with the next 50, that be great! You only have to share one with me here on WordPress or Facebook?



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