For the love of labour I did it again! Its funny really that a woman’s most painful experience is so willingly repeated! Well I suppose that’s so, since we are the madder sex right?!!! Falling pregnant for the second time wasn’t as easy as the first time round. We sadly suffered two miscarriages before hand and they are pretty unexplained and tough to get over when your supposed to be happy the next time you fall.
After a miscarriage, that initial response to finding out you are pregnant is somewhat clouded just in case it happens again, so you almost don’t believe its a reality most of the way through pregnancy just incase something goes wrong. Even at the scans, I always laid on the bed nervously, and was relieved when everything appeared ok!
We had extra scans this time round, as I was considered to have ‘small’ babies since our first was overdue and weighed just 6lbs 5oz. I am only 5 foot 3 and to be honest in every scan all was ok, but this time round things appeared over medicalised, and anxiety filled by even professionals! So unnecessary.
This time we decided to find out the baby’s sex, mainly because we were moving house just before the baby would arrive so we both wanted to feel organised! The stress of a house move throughout the late stages of pregnancy is not recommended! Never ever again! Our move was delayed by a few months so I was actually quite glad that our little baby was 12 days late!
Before the sonographer told us what we were having, I heard her say “I’ll just check HIS leg measurements” before she actually told us! I also saw his willy practically waving at me on the screen! So when she said to our daughter, “Your having a little brother” I already knew. She however keep saying “Really, Really?”, she had wanted a sister! She even followed me into the toilet after for that ever so desperate wee and said, “Mum I can’t believe I am going to have a brother, Ill be just like Ivy!”. She was pleased because her best friend had a brother, and she had longed to be just like her.
The husband was unashamedly pleased, he kept saying how he can now go down the ‘boys’ aisle in Toys R Us and look at the Nerf guns , Lego sets and Marvel things! I did explain that it would be some time before the baby could grasp anything! So instead he bought some rather large Converse boots for him to wear when he was at least six months!
Fast forward a few months, and we are finally in our new bungalow, id unpacked, cleaned, rearranged, bounced on the trampoline, bounced on number ones space hopper, walked a zillion miles, ate pineapple and consumed many curries, but still no baby! I was even treated to two sweeps, but to no avail, he was being a lazy boy!
I had really wanted this time for labour to happen naturally, as this hadn’t happened first time around and I wanted to know what a non induction labour would feel like, I had heard they are less painful!! So booked in for an induction on a Saturday morning, I was given a delightful pessary, and then told to stay put for an hour, not to go to the toilet during the hour (torture!) and then walk the entire length of the hospital grounds to shimmy things up! Tried that, again…nothing! So I was given another pessary. Whilst having this I observed two other ladies on the same ward with me also in for an induction. The first ladies waters broke immediately after one pessary! I thought BITCH! Then off she went to the labour room. Whilst me and this other lady had clearly had two of the pessaries as we were making similar uncomfortable noises!
The midwives change over shifts and I heard through the curtain the other lady tell the new on midwife that she needed to push! This midwife said, “I’m not usually wrong, I am sure you have away to go yet”. The lady says “I’m pushing…I’m pushing”, with actual pushing noises, well I believed her anyway! Then they all believed her, as they quickly fling open the doors of the ward and wheel her through the corridor on the bed!I was later informed that she gave birth in the corridor and never made it to the labour suite!
Oh shit, I’m next I thought!! I was now having contractions so close together that all hope for that active labour kinda got overshadowed by the fact I couldn’t move, and every time I did the contractions came thick and fast! So much so that my waters broke on the bed! I then got on that wonderful stuff…gas and air! Oh my friend, I remember how I’ve missed you, I thought to myself, whilst supping away.
My midwife, I didn’t take much too! She was quite dolled up for a night shift, and reasonably attractive, slim and quite sure of herself! I thought she took an instant liking to the husband, as she appeared more attentive to him than me! For example when I wanted pethidine, she took the piss! Dilly dallying, I mean I’m a woman in labour, in a lot of pain, so when I request more drugs….that’s because I NEED THEM FUCKING NOW! Silly women! Eventually her more attentive assistant jabbed me in the leg with the good stuff sometime after, so I quit my whining for a few more hours!
The husband by this point had drained all his battery, watching films, surfing the net and gaming so looked a bit bored and as if to say, “Cant you get this over with”. Some more moaning followed and I asked my husband to go and get me some more pethidine as this shit she gave me clearly wasn’t working! The sweet talking midwife came in and explained it’s too late for more drugs now and told me I had to walk into the labour room and the short walk would hopefully bring the head further down! WTF WALK? I thought she can’t be serious! Oh she was, I wasn’t leaving the gas and air, so I walked a very short way from the ward to the delivery room just next door supping the good stuff as I went.
The delivery room was much smaller than the last one, and now it was just me, the midwife I didn’t like much, the husband and the sweet talking midwife had vanished! Great I thought! Then the crazy midwife chats to my husband some more, pretty much ignoring my pain stricken state. I’m so high on gas and air now I’m bearly with it…until the pain just ups about three gears and I shout “I’ve been tricked!”. “What was that?” said the midwife, I thought oh, now she bloody hears me! I repeat “I’ve been tricked, I don’t remember it ever being this painful” I shouted, feeling my eyes practically roll to the back of my head!
Then the ever so attentive midwife asks my husband if he wants to deliver this baby! He looked at her and said “You serious?”, She says “Yes of course I’ll go get you some gloves, what are you a large?”. Yer I bet she would like to know hey! Back in the room, the husband puts on the gloves, I’m screaming away, and she tells my husband to hold onto the head and pull down and up to prevent me from tearing! I thought he better get this right or I am bloody well suing that midwife and divorcing him! He looked petrified, but also excited! And as the head came out she told him “Hold it tighter, its ok”, he replied “I’m trying but its all slippery”. Maddox our beautiful baby born arrived at 12.33am on a Sunday morning, all slippery and wet with the cutest cheeks on earth. This was a wonderful feeling, because this time we were left alone in the room and I could cuddle my newborn skin to skin for ages as he didn’t require special care. My husband was high on life and loving that he had just delivered his own son.
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