A Life of Halves


Pre parenthood, I honestly believed those stay at home mums did nothing but drink tea all-day and sit on their arses whilst their children were at school. Oh how wrong was I! Pre parenthood I also had lots of ideals, like what kind of mother I would be. I thought Id be one of ‘those’ mums into crafting, assisting in all nursery and school activities and baking all day long! I also thought our home would resemble something out of desperate housewives…I wish, I could do with a gardener ; ).

From the outside, I watched mothers in the supermarkets, either turn into those shouty mum types or give into their little darlings by letting them eat the contents of their trolley before heading to the till. I thought they should have more patience! (I’m laughing so much at myself that my insides hurt right now!).

I was also going to be one of ‘those’ mums that only fed their children healthy food, maybe even organic, and clean the home with only natural products! (My obsession with the smell of bleach is borderline unhealthy). I was also going to be one of those well-groomed mummies, always having my hair done in a salon, nice nails and fashionable clothing and most certainly did not intend on being one of ‘those’ slummy mummies, in leggings all day long!

Shut the front door, because I wear leggings all-day long, with everything, my hair is very rarely done in a salon (unless its my bday!), same with nails and I feed my kids all kinds of crap, more so from Friday to Sunday and when tired! So that’s 7 days a week! I get excited by bleach and Windowlene, it’s a secret of mine. I am that shouty mum and I resort to bribery when ever my parenting skills fail…so that’s often!

If I were patient, then I probably wouldn’t shout “HOW MANY TIMES DO I..” and “FOR GODNESS SAKE CHILD” loudly and often. Whilst I also like to think of myself as creative, because I do enjoy the odd bake, I like to participate in these types of activities when children are nowhere to be seen! Another wise known as weekends, when Daddy is entertaining them in the living room. This translates as Daddy is on the XBOX bouncing a baby in a chair with his foot or watching Disney XD (Star Wars, apparently the 19month old loves it) whilst they wrestle in front of him. He calls it multitasking. I call it LAZY BASTARD ITIS.

When parenthood erupted on us, like a trapped fart in an elevator. We were in a state of shock, but now we have both become accustomed to a life of halves. These consist of:-

  • Half drunk tea
  • Half eaten breakfast
  • Half done washing up
  • Half done hoovering ALWAYS
  • Half done decorating
  • Half put away clutter
  • Half emptied dishwater
  • Half filled baths
  • Half conversations with friends and relatives
  • Half done sexy time
  • Half done text you never actually send
  • Half done gardening
  • Half done dinners
  • Half done outings
  • Half done makeup

And one more…HALF the bank balance I should have!

Parenthood is nothing like I imagined, but I wouldn’t change it, how about you? Have I missed any half done’s, care to share?



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