The Bedtime Routine

Sounds easy right? Well perhaps if your Mary freaking Poppins. I think this is possibly the hardest part of our day, especially if I am flying solo! It’s probably the most challenging time, because we are both shattered. But me more so!

Tea time (we call it that because we are not posh enough to call it supper!) is always a challenge with one in the high chair who refuses to sit down because he is either too tired or too fussy to eat his dinner unless its yoghurt, yoghurt and more yoghurt. We tag team who helps feed number two, but often Mr Independent likes to do it himself, which results in him wearing more than he eats!

I have mastered the one-handed eating because Ruby likes boobie when she smells food, but cutting food can be a challenge and she often wears just as much as I eat, so a bath for her is a must as I often get curry or tomato sauce in her hair! Poor girl, mummas gotta eat!

Number one is only ever truly happy when she eats and is usually quiet, so this is the best time of day for her, she likes to discuss what pudding she will have during her meal and being a sugar addict like her mother. She will do anything to make sure she gets it…even eating courgette which she hates and tells me every time just how disgusting it is! God love them!

So half eaten dinner one-handed is also pretty exhausting and food looses its appeal when eaten around tiny humans no matter what it is! Bathtime is number twos favourite moment of the day, he practically undresses himself on the way to the bathroom because we are just not quick enough for him.

Usually mummy baths, daddy clears up after dinner, though sometimes daddy is a bit of a lazy shit and likes to take over bathtime as its more fun and clear up later, which pleases an OCD mummy no end!! This routine business is slightly out of sync since having number three as this one gets bathed pretty quickly in case number two drowns her and because it’s the witching hour, fed, sleep, fed, sleep….oh its all too much for a newborn WAHHH. Can I even call her a newborn anymore? As she doesn’t seem that new? Feels like she has been here forever!

After an exciting splash time for number two, if he hasn’t done a shit in the bath the eldest is usually still in there! She knows now to study his face, in case it turns into poo face otherwise she is outta that bath pretty quickly, leaving number two completely unaware what the problem is bathing in your own shit?

Often one of us chasing naked number two around the house to dress him as bathtime always seems to perk him up, jbit like a Duracell bunny on speed. No joke this mad one ran around the coffee table about 20 times tonight, and he did not tire! Round and around and around and around, he didn’t even sound out of breath, I was exhausted watching him thinking, he will fall and hit his head any minute! All the while the eldest is laughing so much that this seems to fuel Mr Class Clown. God help them teachers when he gets to school.

Then the hunt is on for the god dam dummy, WHERE THE HELL do they go? We are currently down to about two but we had about six. I have not found them and I am certain they are in this house somewhere (well its a bungalow but I still call it a house-if I say bungalow I sound about 60). “Bloody things” the husband shouts, whilst looking under the sofa, the coffee table, in the ball pit, under the bed, in the toy box, in the kitchen….”FFS” he says, eventually finding one under some books. I could not participate in the hunt the dummy game (yes it’s usually my fav) but I was of course strapped to Ruby on the flaming boobie!

Dummy found, story to calm little boy down who is surely exhausted by now (well nope he is not!), and the story seems to excite him more as he makes the sound MIAOW for the cat in the story, spots a duck and says “DUCK” and points to the horse and says “EEYORE, EEYORE”. He is doing this a lot lately, but I can’t be arsed to correct him or even explain the difference between a donkey and a horse!

At the same time on the other sofa I listen to the eldest read, she dresses herself, no more running around naked at 7! Teeth and then finally little mad Maddox is in bed after some milk, and is not screaming…the benefits of a dummy…keeps him quiet and calm!

“Can I go on my IPAD mummy?”, “No Imogen because you aren’t allowed for the next few days after your performance yesterday morning”. Yesterday number one was a royal little shit and all because she was tired after her favourite evening hobby, which involves strategically coming out of her room every 5 min’s with a tummy ache, a headache, mummy I hurt my finger!!!! Grrr!

You must be exhausted reading this because I am typing it! This is often our evening! Plus me feeding Ruby for an hour before she drops off! ZZZZZZZZZ is it bedtime yet?

Share your bedtime routine in the comments section on my Facebook page.6

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One thought on “The Bedtime Routine

  1. Jess says:

    I was told about your blogs today and I must say you are spot on! I have 2 of the little shits who fail to listen/cooperate/tire/ sleep/iPad joggers!! They are 7 (girl) and 4 (boy) !! So your blog made me feel better! Keep it up xx

    Liked by 1 person

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