Bastard Changing Bag!

czkeubixuaafi-xTodays focus seems to be the changing bag. More so the lack of important items which were not in there today, like bloody wipes and items which perhaps shouldn’t be in there such as nice lipstick, which appeals to a hungry 18 month old. Grrrrrr.

My morning went reasonably well, considering it was my turn for the school run, and I accidently snoozed the alarm for an extra 14 minutes. Hadn’t time to fanny about with cereal so I fed everyone toast, this is a far less messy breakfast affair than say rice krisipies! Them bastards stick to the highchair and floor, so if like me you return home after the school run to a joyful amount of washing up, you will be scrubbing them bad boys off for hours.

So in terms of breakfast choice this morning I was winning! Keeping small boys socks and shoes on in the car however, not winning! The drive to school is only 10 minutes depending on how awake I am, but the smallest human still manages to exercise her little lungs all the bastard way!

On arrival to the school car park I retrieve the screamer from the back, the eldest dashes out of the car telling me she doesn’t need me to stand and wait, so I feed Ruby on boobie. I then notice my dearest eldest forgets her sodding coat (again) so I hang my head out of the window to another school mum and now friend of mine and ask if she can give this to her. Mum friend comes over to chat and Ruby on boobie delatches, but I think I’ve got this, covering my boob up quickly with my oversized scarf, or so I thought.

This boob was rather full as it was the first feed of the morning so I cant understand why Ruby has come off and is crying so much until I look down. By this point mum friend has gone and I look at a rather soaked baby, and an impressive fire hose of milk, still squirting all over the car for quite a distance. I laugh to myself and then remember this could of been happening whilst having that conversation with mum friend only she may have been too embarrassed to point it out!! Oh well its baby number three and just about everyone has seen my squirty tits by now!

The afternoon school run however is very different. During the day I noticed I had forgotten to pack a crucial item in the changing bag…the bloody wipes! Whilst at home watching number two empty this bag and chew my very nice lipstick and then my lipsalve I still did not remember to repack the wipes, just plenty of nappies!

I decided to check number threes nappies before we left the school car park for home…Oh great…a sodden great poonami trapped inside and all in one. So I take off the layers to reach the nappy and ask number one in the front seat to pass me the wipes. “Mummy what wipes, there are no wipes in the bag”, “Don’t be silly, I repacked that bag just before I left, look again, take everything out…just hurry” I yelled.

Light bulb, there are no wipes, Bollocks, poo is everywhere all up her front and she is currently across my lap! “Right pass me a baby grow, two nappies and a nappy sack” I instructed to number one, she replies “Errrr, cant you just do that at home”. In my head I’m thinking the clever little sod its right, if I had never investigated we could have very well done this at home.

All the cars have left the car park and now I’m wiping her poonami’d behind with yet another baby grow ill have to throw away! Well I make the best I can with one grow,  one nappy to wipe and bag this all up to take home! Nice. Roll on 8pm till the other half gets home and I can be off duty, I’ve done my bit for today! Dressed, fed and a group, where’s my fucking cape?







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