Bastard Car Journeys…

It’s that time of year, when you really want to get Christmas shopping over and done with, well after you have argued with your other half about who you are/are not buying for again this year. Three kids tightly squeezed into one Vauxhall insignia, one hugely heavy changing bag packed with a gazillion nappies and outfit changes (just in case of a poonami situation) and one blissfully unaware husband of how painstaking journeys with all three can be.

It’s an hour to Norwich, and what a beautiful city it is, full of every possible shop to suit all your awkward relatives tastes, not to mention enough restaurants for us to deliberate which one we will go to one day without kids…yer, like that will happen! Ruby (my number three) currently on boobie, starts the journey with a beautiful orchestrated cry, which after 10 minutes down the road we both realised was not going to end. Maddox (our very mad and energetic number two) moans because he is horrendously tired from being awake half the night (still not sure why, teething?tummy ache? poorly? teething again?). And well theres Imogen (spoilt number one, loved by all grandparents and talks far too much) asks one hundred questions, like where are we going? when will we get there? whats for lunch?

I watch my husband breathe in deeply and we try to ignore the background noise and talk about who we are having/not having for Christmas, a.k.a I say everyone and he says no one! Really he is such a people person! He then says “Lets see if she (Ruby) can cry all the way to Norwich, then she will be really tired and sleep all the way back and we can have a peaceful car journey home”. In my head I am thinking “No, you clueless dimwit, it doesn’t work like that! She is hungry or has wind, either way you HAVE NO IDEA”. Most of my thoughts around our different parenting ideas/styles end with YOU HAVE NO IDEA and then more than likely a GRRRR under my breath, followed by “Nothing darling”.

So first stop is no not Norwich, but an overpriced Co-op because, we are super unorganised and need to get some lunch, I am still yet to do an online food shop! Whilst my darling husband goes inside to choose what to get, I feed Ruby some boobie…well I attempt to and then she screamed, so it’s clearly wind…pat…pat…pat..BURP and then he returns to the car. So the husband unpacks the overpriced 5p bag and gets out the goods and gives to child number one Imogen as child number two Maddox is asleep, and then I ask “What did you get me?” He responds with “You said you didn’t want anything”, I argue “No I did not” etc and this results in him going back into the overpriced local and finally getting me some (rather rank) ‘lunch’!

Munch munch in the back from child number one as she takes food seriously and is only ever truly happy when she is eating, WAHHHHHH from Ruby on boobie, “I thought you fed her” says the husband, “SHE HAD WIND”I shout. More WAHHHHH from  child number three who appears to hate the car just as much as child number two does (Thank the baby Jesus he is still asleep!). So we decide to stop in a lay by another 10 minutes up the road to now feed Ruby the boobie. Excellent what a great idea then the rest of the journey will be a piece of cake right? since child car hater number two is asleep! No…no fucking chance as delightful child number one wakes child number two up, who is extremely grumpy and wants to be asleep so more of this WAHHHHHHH.

“Shall we just go home” utters the husband, me “Hell no, we are going shopping I am not sitting at home listening to this”, So she feeds, we give child number two his overpriced sandwich and off we go! An hours journey took about two in total, but we made it, we shopped and came home two hours later, because any longer with kids in tow would have been painful!

Car journeys are horrendous at present, I do try to zone out, and sometimes turn the music up a bit to drown them out but quite frankly its painful, exhausting and leads me and the husband to ask “WHY?”. Why on earth did we procreate! Moments like this when things really come to a head are often later forgotten with, “Awww look how cute they are together“…well usually when they are asleep…or quiet for once!

This reminds me, with a three-month old baby aren’t we due a night out soon?!!!











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